APOMR
by Lakelis
Summary: OOC, Crossovers, and lotsa randomness going on! What happens when you put about a dozen badasses with one obsessor and fifty fangirls piling up outside the door?
1. How I met Vincent

I don't own Final Fantasy 7! And that's not all that's going to be in here...oh no, not at all...okay, I'll list what I remember now, and if there's anything I forgot, I'll add it in the chapter they turn up in.

I don't own Final Fantasy 7, Chrono Crusade, Gungrave, Final Fantasy 8, Devil May Cry, Monster Collection, Time Crisis 3, and that's all I remember at the moment...there's probably more. Review please!

* * *

A thirteen year old girl walked up behind a cloaked man. His attention was turned elsewhere so he most likely didn't expect what was to happen next…

"VINCENT!" there was a loud shout as the dark haired girl tackled the man in question into a tight hug, more known as a glomp in their terms. Vincent looked terrified and shocked at the same time.

"What? GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!" Vincent exclaimed frantically swinging around. The girl looked at him with wide eyes that spelled utter sadness and pity.

"Don't you like me?" she asked. "I got rid of those other people for you…"

"There were…other people?"

"Well yeah, mostly girls, but a few of those weird guys…" replied the girl.

"D-disturbing…" Vincent stated. Suddenly there was a tug at his cloak.

"H-hey Vincent…we should probably get you away from that angry mob…" the girl said.

"Oh yes, I probably _should_ get away…"

"TO MY ULTIMATE DEFENCE!" the girl shouted. Vincent looked completely lost. With a sigh the girl took time to explain. "The first little girl built her house out of straw…" and she pointed at a destroyed house. "She got eaten by an angry mob."

Vincent nodded.

"The second little girl built her house out of pretzel sticks…" she pointed at a devoured house. "The mob ate her, _and_ her home."

Vincent nodded again.

"_I_ built my house out of 300 tons of reinforced cement and iron plating, iron walls surrounding the fortress, eight sentry guns, four sniper placements, machine gun turrets, and a few other defenses, the angry mob ate lead."

Vincent stared and shock and allowed the girl to lead the way.

* * *

Okay, that was easy...and random. Yes I actually do stuff like this in my e-mails, just not in this format...Anyways, hope you enjoyed my introduction to Vincent! And trust me, this is way OOC, moreso than I would normally do... 


	2. In n' Out

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII or Advent Children...but I wish I did...

It hadn't been long since Vincent met up with the girl. Only about a week or so, but already he was settling down in the house. It wasn't as though he'd get much chance to escape after all. One day while Vincent's newfound "friend" was happily chatting with her friends via e-mail, a wall to her room exploded.

"Wolfy! Wanna come with me to In n' Out?" an unfamiliar face called out. The girl, now known to Vincent as Wolfy, whacked her forehead in annoyance.

"Maple…did you forget that I don't like hamburgers…or eating for that instance?" Wolfy questioned. Maple smiled innocently.

"Well, I was just going to take Yazoo, but he doesn't like the patties…" Maple said, completely oblivious to the fact that the statement was completely irrelevant.

"You should just go. I'm staying here," Wolfy shook her head. "And next time, use the door."

"Let's go!" Maple said while grabbing both Wolfy's and Vincent's wrists. "It'll be fun!"

"No!" Wolfy elongated the cry. "I don't like eating!"

"I don't like patties!" Yazoo exclaimed while trying to escape Maple's hold.

"I like everything!" Maple chirped happily. Through some inconceivable plot hole (plot hole…right) the four managed to make it ten miles away to the nearest In n' Out in less than five minutes. Maple left her friends at a table as she went to order. Wolfy decided to chip up some friendly conversation.

"So you got caught by Maple?" Wolfy asked the silver haired bishie known as Yazoo. "Tough luck. Her house isn't built against fangirls."

"Ah, we don't have many problems," Yazoo claimed. "I didn't have a terribly large amount of fangirls to begin with."

"Better than I can say for a certain somebody here," Wolfy coughed. Vincent gave her a look.

"Do you believe that I _try_ to accumulate a massive number of these fangirls?" Vincent asked. "I am surprised that any of us managed to make it through your front lawn!"

"Oh, that wasn't a problem. I had a fangirl pit built in for a reason you know," Wolfy waved it off as though it were nothing. Then there was an awkward silence for a short while before Maple came back.

"Let's see, I got a double-double for me, a cheeseburger for Yazoo, fries for Wolfy, and for Vincent…" Maple paused. "I got you…yeah, I got you a cup of water…"

"Aww, it's okay Vincent, I'll go get you a cup of…I don't know, hot cocoa or something," Wolfy comforted as she ran to the nearest coffee shop. Seconds later she returned with a cup of hot coffee. "Well, it's something at least…right?"

"I thank you," Vincent muttered before taking a long sip of his coffee. Then, a gunshot could be heard.

"Give me all the money!" a nameless robber who we will call Timmy shouted out. The bullet that was fired off just happened to go through Vincent's cup, making the coffee spatter to the ground. Vincent looked as though he might cry.

"Why ruin such an almost peaceful day…?" Vincent pondered aloud to himself.

"Um, hello…? Robbing in process here," Timmy pointed out. Vincent looked up.

"Oh yes, do continue," he said as he started cleaning up the coffee had made on the floor. Wolfy tapped him on the shoulder.

"You aren't supposed to _let_ him…" she preached. Vincent looked as though a new realization had just dawned upon him. By this time, Timmy the robber was getting impatient.

"Look, I just want to get this over with, so see the gun?" Timmy snapped. "This gun is saying give me the money!"

"Ah, but you see, I have a gun as well, you do not witness me forcefully taking money from a store," Vincent removed the Cerberus from its holster. Timmy paled suddenly at the triple barreled handgun. Wolfy blinked and reached into her 'random gun space' and using the hammer space equation, removed a very threatening looking plasma cannon.

"Yeah, see? I have a gun too, but you don't see me running around and robbing places…" Wolfy pat the plasma cannon on the side. Timmy the robber blanched. Wolfy smiled and with an innocent face pointed the gun at the robber. "Now if you don't hurry up and get out of here, you'll see what happens with ol' plasma here contacts human skin."

Timmy turned tail and ran out of the fast food restaurant. Maple let out a cheer and glomped her good friend, exclaiming just how amazing they were.

"Oh that's right…I have a gun too don't I?" Yazoo muttered as he drew his gun-blade. Wolfy smiled and pat the silver haired spirit on the head.

"Sorry Yazoo, a little late now…" she said.

"Aww, I wanted to threaten the nameless robber too," Yazoo whined. Wolfy smiled.

"Maybe next time Yazoo, maybe next time…"

A/N: These actually happen in my e-mails, but the names aren't real...obviously.


	3. wTF?

Disclaimer: Ooh boy, I don't own Gungrave, Final Fantasy 8, Final Fantasy 7

* * *

Wolfy slammed her pencil into her math book with a triumphant smile on her face. A cheesy grin crossed her now cheery face.

"Yes! I'm finally done with my homework!" she shouted at no one in particular. "Now I can use my computer! Wait…where's my mouse?"

For three very long and silent seconds, the girl had absolutely nothing to say about where her mouse could have possibly gone. She half expected it to magically appear again through some indescribably inter-dimensional space portal. But unfortunately for her, it didn't. Finally, only one explanation popped into her skull.

"VINCENT!" she shouted at the top of her lungs. The cloaked man glanced into the room.

"Yes?"

"Did you take my mouse?"

"Why would I take, as you would say, a darned furry rodent that squeaks too much?"

"Not that, the mouse for my computer!" Wolfy jabbed her finger towards the empty space on her table. "The black thing!"

"Oh, that thing…" Vincent shrugged.

"Yes, that thing. Where is it?" Wolfy fumed.

"Well, if it's a mouse, maybe I should exterminate it," Vincent began to draw the Cerberus. Wolfy shrieked and slapped his hands away.

"No shooting my mouse!" she scolded. "Bad Vincent, this is why I don't let you use the computer!"

"Well maybe if you taught me how to use it…" the gunman started.

"I did teach you! Twice!"

"I don't remember that…" Vincent scratched his head slightly.

"Wolfy, what the heck are these three gunpeople doing in your room?" a new voice burst into the room.

"Well, wait…three?" Wolfy turned her head back to the chaos which was her room. "Holy moly! Why are you here Grave?"

"……" silence answered her question. The voice came in again.

"You didn't really expect an answer did you?"

"No, actually, I didn't…he's more quiet than Vincent for my sake!" Wolfy pointed out. Vincent stared at her.

"I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment or an insult," he mumbled to himself softly.

"Well you could take it as both…so what brings you here Grave?"

"………"

"He says we got lost," a new face came up.

"Juji? What now…darn it!" Wolfy pounded her foot on the floor. "I don't wanna deal with you too!"

Before she finished her last word, the door to her room exploded, covering the ground with fine dust and splinters. Wolfy sighed, shook her head, then took a deep breath to calm herself.

"You two better have a good explanation for this…" she snapped as she tackled one of them away.

"He's trying to kill me!" a long haired cowboy exclaimed while scrambling away. Wolfy once more gave a sigh.

"I can see that he's trying to kill you," she replied while sitting on top of the other's chest. "That's why I'm sitting on him."

"I hate you," the one in a bomber jacket snarled. Wolfy simply ignored him.

"Explain," the now irritated girl demanded. There was a slight pause. "Explain now or I let him attack you!"

"Alright! We went on this stupid mission thing and Squall didn't want to go into the building, then he fell and hit himself somewhere it hurts and then I realized that my phone wasn't dead and he wouldn't have had to climb a thirty foot wall!" the explanation came out in one breath.

"Wow that suck—WHOA!" Wolfy was thrown to the ground as Squall launched himself at the cowboy's throat again.

"Gonna kill you Irvine!" he roared as he nearly reached the man in question. Instead, Wolfy tackled him again and this time met with a struggle.

"Ow! Ow! That hurt, OW! You bit me! Hey, am I bleeding? HOLY MOLY I'M BLEEDING!" Wolfy shrieked as she waved her arm around insanely. "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Do something Vincent!"

"Fine," the man drew his handgun and fired a blank shot into the air. Heads turned to look at him as he plucked Squall away from Wolfy. "She's going to hate you…"

"Gah, back to garden for the both of you!" Wolfy scolded as she tended to her wound with a special medicinal item called a band-aid. "Bad, very bad. You do not kill your teammates when doing a mission!"

"Yes ma'am," both mercenaries replied. Wolfy seemed pleased and she sent them to a time out in the corner of her room. Vincent on the other hand was trying to define a smell that had been pervading his senses since he arrived at Wolfy's room. Finally, he lifted his cloak and gave a sniff before gagging.

"Eugh!" he dropped the cloak as though it were poison.

"What?"

"I know you're being courteous and all, but seriously, a little honesty like, 'You stink Vincent!' would be appreciated…" Vincent stuck his tongue out. "Eugh…"

"Well, you smell like mothballs, but since I don't have any clothes that'll fit you, I can't very well wash your clothes now can I?" Wolfy questioned. Vincent nodded his head in agreement. "Good, now, Irvine and Squall are coming with me to help move my fridge so I can use the portal behind it."

"What about us?"

"You two can stay in my closet. It's pretty big in there," Wolfy claimed. Then she dragged Squall and Irvine with her to the kitchen while her brother stared after her.

"Well, looks like she's being good," he claimed as he left the room.

* * *

A/N: Heh, anyone like it? I still work on everything!


	4. Not YOU!

Disclaimer: I don't own Fnial Fantasy 7, Gungrave, Marmalade Boy, or...um...yeah...

* * *

Wolfy sat in front of her computer as always. The screen lit up even as she pressed the power button and she half expected _something_ to explode. Instead, the computer lit up as it was supposed to and played the irritating, _dun dun dun duun_ as it powered up.

"I'm…amazed. Two days without explosions, gunshots, screams of terror, or a claustrophobic Vincent tearing up my house!" Wolfy smiled while beginning to type a message to her friend. Suddenly, her doorbell rang with the strength of a thousand…bells.

"Wooooolfy!" the familiar voice rang through the house. A cringe was the only response.

"Coming Lexa!" Wolfy replied. She winced and began to trudge down the stairs of her home. Vincent glanced up at her.

"Someone new?" he questioned. Wolfy shrugged.

"Meh," she replied. Vincent looked back down, completely absorbed into his book. Grave walked past with a laundry basket and gave the girl a questioning silence.

"……?" he asked. Wolfy pointed to the end of the hall.

"Last door to the right," she claimed. Then she opened the door and a girl completely dressed in purple came and tackled the girl to the floor attached thoroughly at her neck.

"Aw, Wolfy! I missed you! I missed you so much!"

"Uh…Lexa…it's been two days…"

"But I still missed you!" and the girl hugged Wolfy tight. Before the girl could die from lack of oxygen, she pried the hands from around her.

"Ow…need more air…" she glanced at the newcomer. "What do you want?"

"I got bored, so I decided to come over!" the girl gave a ridiculous grin. "Don't you feel flattered?"

"Am I supposed to?" Wolfy replied. Her eyes wandered to the crowd behind her. "Who are they?"

"I don't know, they've been out there for a while now…"

"Fangirls. I don't believe it. Stinking fangirls lining up outside my door!"

"What's so bad about them?" Lexi took a step in, a drooling mess trying to follow after her.

"Well for one thing, they…drool over someone or another in my room…" the dark haired girl pulled a mallet seemingly out of nowhere and whapped the creature trying to enter her abode. "And then they make a mess with all that drool…"

"Oh…do you have cake?" the purple girl bounced in anticipation.

"Sorry, I don't eat cake, and unless we get a cook, I'm not making any," Wolfy shook her head. Lexa withered slightly, but was immediately placated by another thought.

"Ice cream!" and she skipped over to the freezer. Wolfy on the other hand pressed the big purple button that read, "Press for the F-pit" and listened to the satisfying sound of screams. Lexa returned with a bowl of ice cream and no spoon to eat it with.

"Lexa, you need a spoon…or a fork," Wolfy explained.

"Oh well, I wanted to look for one, but I wasn't too sure what I'd find in your drawers."

"It's the third drawer to the left of the counter," the other replied before pressing the violet button once more. "I'll be in my room."

"Does Vinnie still live here?"

"Yeah, and so do some other people now. They can't really get out the door what with fangirls and all," Wolfy shrugged. "But you wouldn't know."

"Aren't _you_ a fangirl?" Lexa questioned her mouth full of half melted ice cream. Wolfy felt a vein pop in her temple at the question.

"Not a fangirl, an obsessor," she replied. Of course, she didn't expect her friend to know the difference. "So anyways, what now?"

"Can we go get cake?"

"Lexa…you're already eating ice cream…" hazel eyes stared at the bowl. "We'll go look for one of your precious shojo boys."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You'll have to keep it though," Wolfy shrugged. "Who do you want to hunt?"

"Yuu!"

"Me?" Wolfy paused. "What?"

"Not you, Yuu!" Lexa smiled.

"I am me, unless you mean someone else is here…" Wolfy paused.

"No, not you, Yuu!"

"Why me?"

"Not _you_ as in you are here you, Yuu as in Yuu Matsuura!" Lexa snapped.

"Ohh! Yuu! That's what you meant by Yuu!" Wolfy exclaimed. "Geeze, why didn't you say so earlier?"

"But I did!" Lexa repled.

"Whatever, we go hunt him now," Wolfy grinned maniacally. "Now, where's the first place to go?"

* * *

A/N: Hmm...well now, this is completely different from what's iour conversations now...


End file.
